First Insight

Well firstly some apologies....
Sorry for not getting around to this posting earlier, I know I'm nearly 8 months old I should have cottoned on to this blogging stuff months ago, but hey there was a whole new world to learn about before I moved onto technology.


Lets face it recovering from birth and getting to know my new surroundings not to mention getting to know Mum and Dad, it all takes time, but lucky for you I'm an extremely fast learner. In those first few weeks I sussed out that if I start bawling Mum or Dad will pick me up and or feed me cuddle me an put me to sleep..Oh yeah they will even change a soiled nappy, "dignity" I hear you say sorry that doesn't compute. Wait a minute let me just check my manual...nah dont have to worry about Dignity until I'm at least 18. Manual yeah theres a manual but dont tell Mum and Dad they are only on page 16 of "Babies for Dummies"

Now I digress more apologies.. Sorry for being a bit late in my arrival, well thats really an apology for Mum and Dad but mainly Mum. But what could I do it was warm and cosy and I had food on tap it was all good till I got my head stuck and then twisted my spine around. Its very hard to read that manual upside down and the pages were all wet with embryonic fluid. Anyway I had faith in modern midwifery to get me out.

Nearly 8 months and so much has happened in my life already, there has been quite a few vacations between the tedious early days of feeding, pooing and sleeping, well I didnt buy into the latter that often, Mums black eyes are a testament to that. Dads arent too bad although he does mumble and curse when I get him up in the middle of the night, he thinks I can't hear him but Im storing every curse away to be used at a later date for some parent humiliation. Now theres a word that crops up quite a bit in my manual apparently I can start that as soon as I can talk.

I think at the moment talking is overated cause I'm pretty sure with talking comes reasoning and discipline and well I'm getting by just fine without those. There maybe a few instances in which communication breaks down, like when I have sealed up my mouth and am bashing on the top of my high chair with a clamped fist. Mum insists on trying to shove that god awful stodge between my lips, how much clearer can i be "It Tastes Like Shit". Ok so I dont know that for sure I havnt actually done the deed and groped into my nappy and had a taste..yet, Im working up to it though. I have a fair idea it must be pretty bad cause Dad does a lot of cursing when he is faced with the clean up. Oh and once I was having a bath with Mum and.. (Let me just set the scene from my perspective) nice warm bath starting to relax and unwind from hard day of screeching Mums giving me a cuddle and I grab for the nipple and the milk is flowing the water warm all of a sudden I'm back in the proverbial womb so the only logical thing to top off this sweet sensation is to poo at the same time..ahh pure bliss. Well my god you should have heard the comotion I was snapped out of the state pretty damn fast next thing I know Dads pulling the plug, Im being held like a drowned rat and Mum is jumping up down yelling eewwwhh! so needless to say we havent tried that since. Havent had a bath for about 7 months..just kidding.

Oh yeah I was talking about vacations, well my first trip was up to Queensland to visit Nana and Papa Smurf, I've met her before she came down just after I was born and gave me lots of cuddles and kept saying "what's all that fuss about" couldnt she tell I was a virtual slug with reflux, thats what all the fuss was about, that and I was merely frustrated at their ineptness at reading my crys sheesh or "Jesus Wept" as my Dad would say. He thought I didnt pick that up but I was born at the end of the football season and what can I say he is a Collingwood fan and Jesus weeping is a small ask. A big ask however is to expect your first born daughter to follow him into a life of Collingwood damnation yeah yeah so they have a few gooduns this year Dale Thomas maybe Cox and Dick.. I kid you not they are their names for real. Do you think digression is a Virgo trait....